Etiquette for Eating Holy Dates from Saudi Arabia

This time of year many of our students at college are returning from Hajj (a religious pilgrimage to Saudi Arabia). A few weeks ago, one of my students gave me a matching ring and brooch set that she had brought back for me. (Aw, so nice.) I got talking with one of my colleagues about it and she started laughing. "You'll never guess what happened to me the other day," she said. One of the newly returned students in her class had brought back some dates and handed them around for everyone to eat. After my colleague had finished hers, the woman came back to her. "What did you do with your date stone?" she asked. "Um, I threw it away," my colleague replied. "Oh, we pray over those," the woman answered, to my colleague's horror. "I was so mortified that I nearly dug through the rubbish bin for it!" she said.

With that story in mind, I felt confident that I knew how to handle the situation when one of my students in another class offered me one of the aforementioned Hajj dates. As I sat munching and asking about her trip, other students filtered into the classroom and took dates to eat as well. Soon it was time for class to start, and there I sat with a date stone in my hand, wondering if she was going to ask me for it or not. I considered my options and decided that the safest way to go would be to just carefully place it on the table next to me with my things in case she wanted it back at the end of class. Then I began to teach. To my surprise, a few minutes later, one of the students got up and threw her stone away. ??? (What?) I suddenly got the slightest bit self-conscious that the students might be eyeing my little date stone sitting there on the table with gnaw marks all over it wondering, "Why doesn't she just throw that away?" I droned on about the reasons why you can't say, "What country did he comes from?" and re-thought my action plan in the back of my mind. After class, all the students left me alone with my date stone. I decided that it was now safe to throw it away.

As I walked back towards the college, I passed under a bridge. A huge hawker dropped out of the sky and landed on my glove (at least it wasn't my head!). While I was trying to wipe it off on a bush, I suddenly thought, "Could this be divine retribution for throwing away that holy date stone?!" When I got back to the office, I told a friend what had happened. "Oh no, I had no idea! I've been throwing away those date stones all week!" she said. "I'd better watch my back, or I might get spit on, too!"

And so, the correct etiquette for eating holy dates from Saudi Arabia has yet to be determined.


Slapping myself on the forehead,

Kristy

The Rain in Spain Stays Mainly in the Plain

After a spending a harrowing Christmas 2005 cuddled up on the couch together crying in a deserted apartment block in an even more deserted city centre, we decided to escape to sunny Spain for Christmas 2006 because, while Christmas is a meaningful time in and of itself, the fact is that, on a cultural level, nothing says Merry Christmas quite like good company, good weather, and great snacks.

Kristy's childhood best friend, Amy, (the one from the marshmallow story, the underwear story, the locked in the bathroom closet story, and many others…) welcomed us into her fabulous Madrid flat on Christmas Eve just in time to meet the whole gang for brunch and church. Ian immediately set about displaying his highly tuned sociability when half a bowl of pumpkin soup that was placed next to him somehow found its way into the handbag of one of the attendees. "It's fine as long as none got on the gift," she said. "…," said Ian (it was a baseball shirt she had brought all the way over from the States). However, the incident was not as it appeared, and Ian will tell you a tale of the horrifying facts if you email him and ask.

However, everything else went swimmingly, and we were happily invited to the home of the wonderful Cady family to sleep over for Christmas Eve and share the giddy excitement (they have young children) of Christmas morning. It brought back warm memories of what it was like when we were children on Christmas morning, waking up and running out to the Christmas tree to get all of the coal out of the stocking and play with it, lighting fires and trying to eat it and stuff, except these kids got all kinds of other presents too! (must be a Spanish thing) The Cadys were so welcoming and really made us feel like part of the family that day, which is such a gracious thing to do on a special family day like that. We were very humbled and grateful and will always remember the happiness we shared. And the fantastic coffee.

The following days entailed lots of lounging around at Amy's place, sleeping in, eating olives and cheese, getting beaten again and again by Ian at Uno, and taking the occasional trip to the local market to pick up ingredients for cooking. Amy gave us the insider's tour of Madrid complete with tips for navigating streets with the best Christmas lights, recommendations on the best olives, and introduction to the most amazing hot chocolate in the world (It is so thick, you have to eat it with a spoon like pudding!) It seemed like almost every day we were there some kind of random bizarre parade would go down her street featuring Hari Krishnas, people dressed like clowns on stilts, monks playing Christmas carols atonally, or even the grim reaper with a flame thrower. These parades often only comprised of 4 or 5 people.

We did a couple of day-trips to Avila and Toledo, some highlights of which were eating a weird pseudo-cookie made from egg yolk, sugar, milk & almonds invented by a (subsequently) famous nun; watching waiters pretend not to understand an impolite foreigner who was trying to pay for a meal by waving about a credit card while yelling "Mastercard! International language!" (priceless); walking the town walls at Avila; seeing the amazing cathedral at Toledo; and overdosing on chorizo.

We came home on New Year's Eve and had a wild night! Ian had a left-over party popper that he stole from a work function, so we counted down at 9pm for New Year in Uzbekistan or somewhere, pulled the party popper, nearly set fire to the bed, and went to sleep.

Oh, by the way...

Welfare State

I thought I would write about an experience I had dealing with British bureaucracy to give you a little insight into the kinds of difficulties refugees experience in the UK and how difficult it can be to resolve what should be very simple problems.

Ahmed (not his real name), a refugee, was seriously assaulted when two men broke into his property in early 2005. He was hospitalized with head injuries and has been unable to work since that date due to his physical injuries and subsequent mental health problems. A charitable organization kindly installed window locks for free and referred Ahmed to have window grilles installed.

However, the grilles were damaged late last year when contractors from the council's housing office were sent to the property to install new windows. One of the men began to remove the internal grilles by smashing the joins with a hammer. Ahmed naturally became concerned as the work progressed, but when he questioned the contractors, they just insulted him and continued the work. The contractors eventually assured Ahmed they would fit the grilles back in after the work was completed, but they failed to do so.

After visiting the property to see the damage, I telephoned the housing office to discuss the problem. They stated that they do not allow grilles to be installed since they are a fire hazard. I checked with Ahmed and confirmed that they had been installed with a fire escape, so I called the housing office back to state that they were not a fire hazard as a fire escape was in place.

The housing office then said they did not have any records to show that the council had granted permission to install the grilles in the first place. They said that since no records existed, and since the council “does not lose records”, we must not have obtained permission to install the grilles, so they would not pay to repair them.

Now, if somebody came to your house and smashed up your car, it's not like the court would say they would only be liable if you had a valid driving license, because the issue of compensation for damage done to your car, and whether or not you have a license to drive it, are two separate and unrelated issues. I explained this to the housing office, but they would not budge. However, I was sure we had been given proper permission, so I called the charity that referred Ahmed to have the grilles installed, and they gave me the contact information for the organization that conducted the installation. That organization turned out, funnily enough, to be a department of the council.

I called the housing office again to explain that they were the ones who had carried out the installation of the grilles and the reason they did not have records of permission is that, obviously, the council does not need to seek permission from itself, but they changed excuses yet again and said they can not reinstall grills once they had been removed due to health and safety legislation since the contractors were only qualified to install windows (despite the assurance by the contractors that they would reinstall the grilles).

I explained that it was really a question of reinstallation, but one of responsibility for repair since the grilles had been damaged during removal. The housing office responded by suggesting we make a compensation claim.

However, upon thinking about this, I realized it would be pointless to proceed with a compensation claim since it was likely the grills did not actually belong to Ahmed (the flat being rented from the council) and were therefore not his property to claim against. I called the council department that installed the grilles to discuss this, and they stated that it was the responsibility of housing office to maintain the grilles since they belonged to the housing office once they had been installed. They were unhappy to hear that the grilles had been damaged since they cost more than £1600 to be installed. They said they would be happy to speak to the housing office if I asked them to call.

So, I called the housing office again and they agreed to call the council and then call me back once he had done so. Of course, I did not receive a call back, so I called them again a week later. They said they had not called the council (despite having agreed to do so) and that the case had been passed the housing office’s head surveyor who had carried out the removal of the grilles. I tried to call the surveyor, but he was not in the office so I was unable to contact him until the New Year.

I waited until 2007 and then called him, and he stated that the housing office does not now reinstall grilles since the new windows meet security standards. I was beginning to run out of patience at this point, so I just asked him to call the council and to call me back when he had done so.

He called me back later in the day and said that he had spoken to the council and to various other people in his office and that they had decided not to reinstall the grilles for three reasons, which were:
1) They are a fire hazard
2) The new windows meet safety standards so security grilles are not necessary
3) The council no longer has a budget to install grilles

Obviously, the first reason was not valid since, as I had already discussed with the housing office, the grilles were installed with a fire escape and the council actually requested their installation and would not have gone against their own policy in doing so.

The second reason was not valid since the two men who broke into the property did so by kicking in the door. This was achievable due to the vulnerability of the property, which is not visible from any other property and can therefore easily be broken into if it is not effectively secured. The door had since been replaced with a security door and an internal door grille to secure it, but if the original door could be kicked in without anybody in the area noticing then it is not at all logical to conclude that windows could not.

The third reason was also not valid since the grilles are now the property of the housing office and not the council itself, so the maintenance and repair of the grilles is the responsibility of the housing office. The issue of whether or not the council still has a budget to install new grilles not relevant.

Finally, just yesterday, the manager of the housing office called me to discuss the issue and I had the opportunity to discuss the situation, which by that stage had stretched over two months, in its entirety. She was by far the most helpful person I had spoken to, and gave me an opportunity to respond to each problem the council had raised, considered them objectively, and decided that the grilles should be reinstalled. I received a call from the housing office today to apologize and they said the grilles would be refitted in the next 4 days.

The thing that bothered me about this who process was that the housing office, at every stage of the problem until I spoke to the manager, did not approach the situation objectively, but rather actively searched for reasons not to help, and each time those reasons were proven to be wrong, just looked for another reason or, if they could not think of one, passed the issue to somebody else in the office who would start from square one again.

But more importantly, there is no way that a refugee who is not familiar with the British bureaucratic system and who does not speak English as a first language could ever negotiate the bureaucratic minefield that these kinds of problems present to have the issue satisfactorily resolved. Ahmed is one of the very few refugees who has a support worker to help him out, but the vast, vast majority of refugees do not. If a problems as simple but important as this can be so complicated to resolve, then I despair when I think of the problems other refugees must face.

If only people's first reaction when being presented with a problem that a vulnerable person is experiencing was to attempt to help rather than just seeing it unwanted work for themselves and reacting by searching for a way to avoid it. How often do we do this ourselves?

Ian

Otley Chevin

Take a look at these cool pics I took while hiking at Otley Chevin with Sarah a few days before Christmas. These were taken right before I ended up doing a few ballet moves to save myself from slipping down a mud-covered hill. I think I impressed Sarah, but unfortunately I ended up on my bum completely covered in mud. Ha! - Kristy